It took nearly a month for my acceptance to get here, but get here it did and I cannot be more excited. Today, I officially started my diet regiment... tomorrow, I hit the gym. I want to lose twenty pounds for London, so that I can be the hot foreign chick... yes, shallow, but true, lol.
My mother doesn't want me to go. I haven't told my father yet, but I suspect he'll have a similar response. She keeps telling me to think about it... to seriously think about it... if only she knew that I could think of nothing else since last August... I've always wanted to go to London and I need a break from this life, from my family and everything that I am familiar with. I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy or content... I've done everything right, EVERYTHING!!! I'm the responsible one of the my family, I'm the reliable one. I get good grades, I'm active in my extracurriculars, I'm a good christian and attend my meeting regularly. Despite all this, I've never felt more empty. I can't remember one week when I haven't cried myself to sleep.
Moreover, this path that I'm treading, while a good one, was not my own. Every step has been planned for me, and I hear it time and again, exactly what everybody expects of me: graduate, get a good job, pioneer, get married... How can they all be so sure? Hell, it's my life and I don't even know if it's what I want, but that's the direction it seems to be headed.... and it makes me feel trapped.
I truly like my life, I do. I have been blessed infinitely with a family who loves me, a faith that makes sense, a practically free education and a fulfilling college career, but I need something different. There's more than one way to get to where you wanna go in life, right? I've done it their way for so long, it's time to do it my way. The only thing that I can think of is this... go away, get away, live, breathe, laugh and be all on your own, without anyone having to show you how. I'm tired of being made to feel as if I'm doing something wrong... I've done nothing wrong... It's just different... not what anyone, including myself would have expected, dreamed or wished for me... But if I don't do it now, it will stay with me for years, and I will be stuck on the what ifs, the maybes, and the could of beens... and that would kill me...
So for my sanity, for my sense of adventure, for the anglophile that's always been inside of me, this is for you!!! London, here I come!!!
LondonBoundGirl
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